16 Things to think about when working with kids

Would you talk to kids the way you do, if they were 6'5" and 250 pounds?

We use these topics as a closing mixer with all of the staff development workshops we run. It's always a hit! Hope you enjoy!

Kids are learning just like we are – They learn best from the people who care about them!

We don’t EVER need to solve arguments for kids who are arguing respectfully.  Sometimes we help best by not helping. Keep an eye out and make sure they continue to argue respectfully. If the conversation ratchets up, then look step in. Otherwise let them go for their own good and maybe even yours as well!

Try to let them own their solutions. So often us adults jump in to try to help a kid. Do we have good intentions? Most likely, but a lot of times we help in the name of keeping things moving…keeping things peaceful…or keeping things easy. When we step in, we interrupt the learning process for kids. We hand them a solution instead of allowing them to work through it and to figure out a solution on their own. Allowing them to figure things out on their own can be messy and time consuming. (Our world seems so fast paced and sometimes time just won’t allow for them to come up with their own solutions.) Whenever possible, bite your tongue, curl your toes, watch from the stands, see what happens and you may be surprised how effortlessly they come up with solutions that make everyone feel empowered. (you too)

Would you talk to kids the way you do if;

o   ...their parents were standing there?

o   …your supervisor was standing there?

o   …if they were 6’5” and 250 pounds?

If YES, then keep doing what you're doing!
If NO, then changes need to be made! Kids need to be respected!

Find a way to care about that kid who is driving you crazy. Talk with them. Figure out their story. What did they do this weekend? Talk to their parents, their current and former teachers, their guidance counselor. What are their hobbies…What do they dislike…Favorite foods? I feel like getting to know a little more about their back story often helps to take a more empathetic approach when dealing with that child.

Be mindful of what you talk about with other adults when kids are around. Kids are smart! They are watching and they are listening!

Look in the mirror and ask yourself, am I being what I’m asking my students to be? 

  

You want to try to win over all kids but winning over certain kids will make your job easier. They are the influencers, the leaders. They are the kids that the other kids would follow to the end of the Earth and back! If you can figure out a way to get them to buy into what you are doing and the fact that you care, you may get others to do the same.

Make time to listen to a kid who needs to talk. I believe that kids have a built-in sensor that tells them the EXACT inopportune time to want to talk to you during a lesson. You have the kids who talk from the minute they get up until the minute they go to bed (Ha! I live with one of them). There are also the slow talkers…ooooooncccce I was walking down the streeeeeet. Here is what I do in these moments and hopefully this helps. If I am in the middle of something, I hit the pause button. I look them straight on the eyes and tell them I would LOVE to hear what you have to say as soon as I am finished with…Once you get everyone going, YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER TO GET BACK TO THAT KID AND LISTEN TO THEM…You might be the only one who does that day!

These kids are going to be the people who shape our future. “I see no hope for the future of our people if we are dependent on the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words. When I was a boy, we were taught to be discrete and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise and impatient of restraint.” If you’re thinking this quote “hits the nail on the head” about today’s youth, consider this; It was credited to Hesiod, a Greek poet over 3000 years ago. I talk a little more about this in this video below. 

Kids won‘t remember what you taught them, they will remember how you made them feel.

Try not to “draw a line in the sand” with the kids especially in front of their peers. I have touched on this in other blogs LINK The best way that I have EVER found to win an argument with a child is to not argue with them. Don’t engage! Catch them when things have de-escalated. Tell them “I can tell you want to argue but I am not going to do that today”. If all else fails and they still want to argue, tell them “I handle all my arguments at 3:30 so if you would like to come back then and argue then be my guest”. I got that idea from a book I read years ago, “Teaching with Love and Logic” by Jim Fay and David Funk. This book gave me a whole new approach to dealing with my students.

P.S Not once has any student taken me up on the offer to come argue with me after school. (I will keep you posted on this!)

Be fair with kids – Remember they are people too!

Try to remove the emotion out of dealing with kids. It’s usually not personal, even though it may feel like it. They are just being kids and challenging the boundaries. Just like we did when we were kids. (Some of us worse than others!)

Give kids choices whenever possible. It empowers them and lets them know that you care what they think. HOWEVER, make sure that you like all the choices you give because I believe that kids also have a built-in sensor in their brain for moments like this. If they detect the slightest apprehension you have about a particular choice you may be giving out, there is a 101% chance that they will choose that one that you don’t like! 😉

Feeling brave? Let them initiate the choices and take ownership as to how they want to explore different subjects or topics!

The BEST way to get RESPECT will always be to give it! “These kids have no respect for authority”...“They have no fear”...“They don’t listen”! I have heard these many times and have even said these myself. Over the years I have worked with a handful of adults who lacked a genuine respect for kids. They expected respect but failed to give it. They usually seem to be the same people most baffled when kids are disrespectful to them. I love the quote, “Respect is something you earn, not something you demand”! Try to think about how you address your students. Do you talk with them or at them? Do you speak to them or down to them? If you want them to listen to you, have you ever tried listening to them? Do you know their wants and concerns or do they just know yours?

Hope you enjoyed my latest blog. If you have anything to add or any comments please SHARE them. Shout out to my favorite artist and brother Eric Housel for his awesome illustration. As always, MAKE TODAY GREAT AND KEEP MOVING! 

What I need to remind myself more often as a teacher.

They say the older you get, the more you forget. I’m certain that I’m one of those people that have forgotten way more than I know about being a teacher. Here’s a list of things I wish I would remember more often.

·        How I felt the moment I met my oldest son for the first time. I was convinced that I was put on this Earth to be his dad. I believed that everything else I had EVER done was just practice to get me ready to be the father I needed to be! My hope with all my students is, that there’s at least one person out there that feels the same way about each one of them as I feel about my own sons. It might not always be the case and I need to remind myself of that more often.

·         I’m always at my best when I’m less concerned about my lesson and more concerned about who it’s for.

·        That kid who occasionally (or more than occasionally - 😉) drives me crazy in the younger grades is going to walk out of our school in about four or five years and never come back. On their last day of school, I’ll be standing there with tears in my eyes, waving and feeling forever grateful that I got the opportunity to be their teacher!

·        When I am jumping out of my skin excited about a lesson that I’m teaching I never seem to have much trouble with classroom management. I need to find more ways to be jumping out of my skin about what I’m teaching.

·       Today is a new day. It’s a new beginning for me, my students, and my classes. A new opportunity to improve on how we did last week, month, and year. I need to remind myself and my students of this more often. In order to break a negative cycle with our students something has got to change...maybe it’s me!

·        I need to remember all the impromptu reunions. I’m lucky enough to live in the same town that I teach in and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had former students come rushing up to me for a hug, handshake, or talk. On the days where I feel like I can do nothing right, I must remember those moments.

·        I must remember to ignore people who scoff at teachers and say that we have an easy job. I would gladly lend my sneakers to anyone, anytime to come into my classroom and show me how easy it is!  

·        I have the two most important jobs in the world. I am a teacher and parent. Every day I have the opportunity to make a positive difference in the lives of children and I am unmeasurably blessed because of it!

·        If I had to do it all over again, I’d be a teacher. I was born to do this!

·        I must remember not to be surprised by what my students are able to accomplish. I have seen kids transcend unspeakable situations and overcome unbelievable odds too many times to be surprised, but yet I feel surprised often. (I do LOVE those surprises though!)
 

·        If given the opportunity kids always come up with better solutions to their arguments than we do. They have better ideas for fun too!

·        Need to remember why I became a teacher. I became a teacher to make a difference in this world and what better way to make a difference then by teaching and caring for a child?

·        I need to remember to be as enthusiastic as that bright-eyed kid who walked into Forest Avenue School in Glen Ridge, NJ 23 years ago.

·        What we teach is important, but our content pales in comparison to who we are teaching for. Math, art, music, science, physical education… is just a part of the puzzle for a child. Our primary job as teachers is not to put information in, but to bring potential out of our students for all to see. 

·        Be as excited for my last lesson of the day as I am for my first. While I’m at it, I need to remember to be as excited for Monday as I am for Friday!

·        Some kids are going through unimaginable circumstances that we have no idea about. It’s easy to get annoyed when talking and behavior gets in the way of a lesson. Everyone has a story. It always helps me when I take the time to try to understand where people are coming from.  

·        Need to show and tell my students how much I care about them. I need to do this more often. I want to let them know how badly I want them to do well in this world. My hope is that I am in a constant state showing them I care, but I definitely need to say it more often!

·        The miraculous odds of me being my student’s teacher at all - Sorry to get all philosophical, but…there are almost incalculable odds of any person being born on this planet. Think of all the things that had to happen just for you to be here! Take those odds of one person being born and multiply that number by a class of 20 students and one teacher. Then think for a moment of all the things that could have prevented us along the way from being in that room together. It is truly a miracle and I need to remember that more often.
 

·        Smile more. Enjoy this time. My thought is that I most likely have many more teaching years behind me than I do in front of me. I LOVE that Trace Atkins song, “You’re gonna miss this” – I don’t want to look back on this and wish that I had more fun in the time that I had!

·        Just be AWESOME in the moments when I’m in front of my students. All the paperwork that is due, meetings, flaming hoops to jump through, and hurdles to jump over are NOT going to get done when I’m with my students. That’s when I try to tell myself, “be AWESOME NOW and worry about all that other stuff later.” (and YES, that’s difficult to do sometimes)

·        Sometimes, it’s not THEM, it’s ME! Perhaps the baggage I’m bringing to school with me somedays has more to do with how my lessons will go than anything else.

·        I can still have a GREAT DAY regardless of how my lessons go. If everything around me is turning into a “Calgon Commercial”, (That’s a crazy hectic mess for those of you born after 1979) I can still remain clam, figure a way to get their attention, and use that as a teachable lesson for my students.

·        I have to focus more on what can go right. So often when I think of a new idea, I start to come up with all the worst-case scenarios. Our brains are wired to protect us from new experiences, negative or positive. While it’s important to take all angles into consideration, sometimes it’s more important to feel the fear and do it anyway!

·        I have to remember how poorly behaved I was as a student in school. Hopefully that will help me with the students who struggle to keep it together as I did.

·        I must not to make predictions for my student’s futures based on their present performance. I get to have students for 6 years straight. I have never met a student who has not improved over those 6 years – most show dramatic improvement. I have to remember what a poor student I was and how little I liked most of what was associated with school. I was an incredibly late bloomer and never realized a sliver of my potential until I got into college.

·        I have to remember that I can count on one hand, the teachers that I felt TRULY believed in me growing up – They were the teachers that inspired me to be more than just a “clown at the circus”! (No offense if you are a clown at a circus) Most of my teachers were good to me and I fully admit that I did not give them much to believe in. However, there were a couple teachers whose belief in me eclipsed all others. I need to strive to be that for my students. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, Mr. McNabb and Mr. Jackson, for seeing more in me than I ever dreamed possible!!!!!

What do you need to remember more often as a teacher, parent, spouse, friend…?????

Props once again to my AWESOMELY TALENTED brother Eric Housel, who does all the artwork for my blog!

I really hope you enjoyed my post. Make today GREAT and KEEP MOVING!!

Mark

How our world got a little bit smaller and a WHOLE LOT BRIGHTER!!

Marlton 4th of July Parade

Leading up to the summer of 2017 I wanted to do something BIG! I wanted our family to get out and see the world. Problem is we had very little summer savings. As I’m sure you can guess, no money equals no “world seeing”!

Then I saw a post on social media looking for a host family for a bunch of students from Spain in our area. I remember a lady that I used to work with who told me a story of how she took in some exchange students from China. She told of stories of how it positively changed the course of her whole family. My thinking was if we can’t afford to go see the world, then we can bring a little of the world to us in the form of a Spanish exchange student. I thought it was such an amazing idea. So, I got to work right away.

My first job was to sell this idea to my wife. I have lots of crazy ideas and to her credit she usually goes along with most of them. She did see the same post that I did but I believe she dismissed it is something that is interesting but perhaps not for us. (Perhaps…that left the door open, right?!)

She had lots of questions as you can imagine. What if they don’t get along with our kids? What if they don’t fit in with our family? What if they don’t like our food or don’t follow our rules? What if things don’t go well? Of course, our minds went crazy with all the worst-case scenarios. Then we started asking some positive questions too. What if things go great? What if they get along great with our kids? What if this experience changes our lives forever?

I think we got to do just about everything South Jersey had to offer!

So, I contacted the coordinator and asked some of our questions. She assured me that she would do the best she could to match us up with someone who was compatible with our family. She sent us some letters from some of the boys that were looking for host families. (we have 3 boys, 2 teenagers at the time and we figured bringing a girl into our family mix would not be a good idea – 😉). When we started to look through the letters, my wife and I became completely hooked on the idea.    

Next job was to convince our boys.  When we first brought the idea up to them, not one of our boys thought it was a good idea. Once we were armed with the letters from the prospective Spanish students it was much easier to convince our boys that this was a good idea.  

So how did it go? He stayed with us for four weeks. On his last day it was my job to bring him to the drop off spot so that they can take him to the airport. So, I did what any tough American man would do in my shoes…I had my wife take him because I was a crying, sniffling mess. It was so sad to say goodbye but that showed how much him being here meant to us all.

Philadelphia Union Game

Over the year we stayed in touch through facetime and instant messenger.  In the summer of 2018, his whole family came and stayed with us for two weeks. We did the whole South Jersey, North Jersey, Philly, and NYC tour. The whole trip felt a bit magical to me. I remember one night of their stay more than anything.  It felt surreal sitting around the kitchen table discussing politics, school, friends, electronics…  

Our two families meeting for the first time in Central Park.

What did we learn about them? We learned that they are nothing like us. In Spain they must deal with kids who don’t like doing their homework and use their devices too much. They have sassy teenagers who are quick to challenge adults and don’t always get along with their siblings. They also have political leaders who are completely out of touch with what it is like to be a citizen of their own country.  Hopefully you’ve picked up on up on my sarcasm.

We are separated by 3600 miles and one of the biggest oceans on our planet. When it comes to our daily struggles, our dreams, morals and goals for our family, we are very much the same. We may look different and speak a different language, but we are similar in many more ways than we are different! Most importantly, we laugh and love in the same way!

I am proud to say that I now have an American family and a Spanish family. And that is how our world has gotten a little bit smaller and a whole lot brighter.

Saying good bye to his little buddy!!

My wife is helping to bring 15 French students to the South Jersey area for 3 weeks this summer. If you would be interested in being a host family or know someone who might be, please contact her at compassusa.beccahousel@gmail.com

Using middle ground to help your kids and students.

I have been hearing about “middle ground” all my life.  I have been finding lately that I have come up against a couple of situations that involve middle ground.  Please consider this; maybe you’re not 100% correct and if you’re not 100% correct then maybe that person that you completely disagree with is not 100% incorrect.  Maybe they are more like 97% incorrect 😉!  Admitting this may be bigger progress then we think.  Here are two ways I applied the principle of middle ground to my life lately and some points to remember when kids are disagreeing with each other.

**Please remember**

·         Kids who are arguing respectfully need to be allowed to do so.  Often us adults try to intervene when we are not needed.  (I find myself trying to remember to not interfere especially at home)

·         Let them figure it out whenever possible.  If no one is being hurt physically or emotionally, LET THEM GO!!!! 

Middle Ground – Parenting situation - I have three sons.  Occasionally they don’t all get along (by occasionally, I mean, they make my wife and I insane and give us grey hair at times – my eye twitches a little just thinking about it) 

Recently I had a situation that needed intervention.  One of my older sons hit my youngest son and then you probably know what happens next.  Screaming, crying, rolling… Instead of coming into the room and “cracking skulls” like my dad used to do and like I would wish I could do some days, I came in calm.  I surveyed the scene, asked some questions, and I listened.  On the surface, it appeared as though my youngest had been the victim of a horrible rhinoceros attack.  My guess was that rhino didn’t just run him over once, but repeatedly.  My other son was laissez-faire about the whole thing. In fact, he had completely absolved himself from any wrongdoing.  He was completely at peace with his brother rolling around on the floor and crying because he knows in his heart that he “barely touched him”.

ENTER the idea of middle ground HERE.  I can see no bleeding, no red marks, no visual signs of a repeated rhino attack or freight train accident in the toy room.  I also have a hunch that if my older son’s actions were as gentle and peaceful as he’s making them out to be there wouldn’t be such an issue at this point.  Provided that I didn’t have an Academy Award “actor to be” on my hands and that I believed that both parties were at least presenting some facsimile of the truth, my only conclusion was… It had to be something in the middle.  (Your knowledge of your kids/students will hopefully guide you at this point)

This was most likely a case of my youngest son’s feelings being hurt more than his body.  The fact that my oldest was showing zero remorse probably only made the situation worse.  So… I started with the oldest because he was the least agitated at that point. Without judgment, or sarcasm (which is tough for me), I led my son to admit that maybe he hit his brother a little bit harder than he initially perceived because he is a lot older.  Having heard the concession, my younger son seemed to be much more agreeable to admit that maybe it wasn’t quite as hard as he was portraying.  I got them to agree on something small and my job was done.  BOOM!  CUE THE MUSIC. CLASSIC MIDDLE GROUND SITUATION!  I left the room.  Very shortly after, everybody was playing, everyone was happy, and I was “Dad of the Day” for about 6 minutes until the next crisis arose!

Middle Ground - School situation - How many times do we tell our students and children things like “use your words” or “it’s not what you say but how you say it”? 

Here is a middle ground situation that came into play with my students.  Student #1 one comes over with hurt feelings because of how student #2 spoke to them.  Student #1 tells a tale of a rude, crude, obnoxious attempt of being told they were out of a game.  Student #2 points out how they were clearly trying to be helpful, caring, and looking out for the best interest of student #1.  In fact, it was reenacted in a low, calm, almost angelic voice.  

There were some red flags here.  (lots actually)

1.  They were playing a game of knockout.  It’s loud - people get out - that’s what you signed up for - it’s in the name of the game.

2.  I knew student #1 for a long time and the child is very caring and emotional and can get their feelings hurt rather easily at times.

3.   I knew student #2 for a long time as well.  That child is confident and strong in their beliefs and never shies away from letting others know their opinion.  I had never known this student to use a calm, angelic voice in the middle of a game like that. (EVER!)

With a tiny bit of intervention, they came to a quick agreement that, in the heat of the game it wasn’t quite as “obnoxious” or “angelic” as either one of them were hinting at.  Classic middle ground!!  Step away.  Let them talk.  Pretty soon everyone is friends again.  Playing.  Smiling. Laughing.

In a lot of situations I think there is a line somewhere between kids struggling with getting feedback from their peers and the old Chinese proverb that says, “never use a hatchet to remove a fly from a friend’s forehead”.  In sport/game situations, I always try to remind my kids/students to focus on what people are saying and not how they are saying it.  I try to get them to ask themselves questions like, is this person angry at me or are they just trying to win?  That’s tough advice because things get crazy in the heat of the game and so much of our communication is nonverbal.

Making middle ground work for you.

These were two situations where the impasse/the divide/the communication gap between two students or siblings was deemed too big for them to overcome at the moment.  As I mentioned above, I try not to step in whenever possible.  In these two situations, I stepped in for the mere goal of getting them to at least agree on something.  Giving them a starting point seemed to work in both situations because after the middle ground was found a productive problem-solving conversation took place.  

Once you get them to agree on one small point, then slip away.  They will be left to do all the work.  The work that they do will be far more beneficial than any help we can give!  I usually try to move away and watch or listen casually to make sure things go well.  Follow up later and ask how their conversation went.  If you are impressed with how they solved the situation, make sure you tell them.  

An approach like this takes time, practice, patience, and guidance on our part.  Sometimes it may be  easier to just start yelling, solve it for them, or seperate them.  (And yes - Sometimes they need a break from each other just as much as we need it)  It's not always easy to take an approach like this because of time restraints and frustration levels from the constant issues that arise.  However, when you get them talking in a positive productive way, positive things are going to happen.  

Were these two situations easy to solve?  In and of themselves, both issues were relatively easy to solve.  

Will all situations be so easy to solve?  🤣 Wouldn’t that be nice?

Have I come up with a new theory on middle ground?  Absolutely not!

Would this world be a better place if we all tried a little harder to find a little more middle ground? I’m certain it would.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog.  I really hope you enjoyed it and find it to be helpful.  Please share any thoughts on middle ground that you have found to be helpful with your children or students.  I would love to hear about them.  Make today great and keep moving!